Self Care
“How to prevent Emotional Burnout and Sustain a Healthy Balanced Life”
For Peacebuilders, Counselors , and Service Oriented People.
Sometimes recognition and credit elude those who deserve it the most.
That is often the case for those working in the helping profession. They are often given very little credit for working long hours with the people who often need it the most and in situations that are very stressful and challenging. If you are one of these people. I thankyou very deeply from my heart for the work you are doing and the strength, courage and humanity you have to continue to work in very difficult and challenging situations that most of us would rather avoid thinking about! Let alone participate in making a difference.
I am writing this article in hopes of making a contribution to you. An on-going problem in our field is burnout and emotional exhaustion. The focus of this article is to present ideas and practices that will help the caregiver avoid burnout and sustain a healthy balanced life.
Why is burnout happening?
I would like to discuss three parts: systemic problem, personal part, and second hand trauma. I am also aware that there are other factors that contribute to this dynamic.
Systemic
We live in a world full of traumatized people who continue to re-traumatize each other. This means there is no end to the people who need help or assistance. And at the same time government and society at large does not consciously recognize the depth or severity of this need. Therefore many of us in this line of work are in a catch 22 situation. There is more demand then we have enough staff, resources, or personal energy to meet. And when you are faced with such a great need it is very difficult to simply say I can’t help you. I am off the clock now. Therefore what many of us do is work very long hours. In addition to this many of us have families who also require our attention. This is the systemic part of the problem that hopefully will be addresses one day by an awakening of consciousness in our government and society in the realization that we need more resources and help! We are not there yet! Therefore we will need to be creative on f
inding ways to prevent the likely scenario of overwhelm and burnout in our lives from happening.
Please note: a person can only push through fatigue and exhaustion for so long before they become burned-out and have very little left to give.
Personal Part
Suffering can be a beautiful gift because it often leads one to compassion, sensitivity, and greater consciousness of self and others. Most of us have entered this field because of compassion for other people’s suffering and our desire to contributing to ease the vast amount of suffering on the planet even if it is only in a small area. If we are able to explore deeper in ourselves we have often suffered in our early life: childhood, teens, and early adulthood. The high side to this is it has given many of us a beautiful compassionate heart. The down side is for many of us we haven’t really given ourselves the gift of compassion, and our own healing attention that we so gladly give to others. For many of us it is easier to give fully to other people then to address some of our own pain and internal suffering. Many times we may not be aware that we are suffering because we are so exhausted from all of the help we are giving other people.
One of the reasons we burn out is the lack of awareness that we need to take better care of ourselves. It is only possible to push away our own need for healing, compassion and gentleness for so long…
Note: Many of us also have families that need out attention, which can make it even more difficult to find the time to give to ourselves. And yet it is very important for us to find the time to take care of ourselves both for our own well-being and to sustain our ability to give at work and at home.
Second Hand Trauma
This can also be called compassion fatigue. This is a very common place for people who have been working in the helping professional for several years or longer. Being with other people’s suffering and trauma’s is intense and without realizing it we often take on a little of their trauma. Over time that little bit becomes alot. I also think that when we work with other people’s suffering it brings up places in ourselves that are un-healed. I think the mixture of the second hand trauma and not having time to heal our own stuff that is coming up creates no space left in us to give “Our vessel is full”. I believe this is the primary reason that people burnout.
Note: If we wait to our vessel is full we will have very little to give until we are able to empty it. If we want to maintain a healthy life we need to regularly take the time to empty our vessel.
How to stay personally healthy and rejuvenated?
It is usually not what we are aware of but what we are un-aware that does the most damage. I think one of the keys is to become aware of the potential hazards of our work and to accept the importance of self-care in our work. Note: If I don’t give to myself, I will not be able to give fully to others.
Once you have the awareness and desire to change; the next step is to create a plan. There are amazing amounts of things you can do in a relatively short period of time. I will break this down into 4 sections: Daily, Weekly, Monthly, and Yearly.
Daily
Create 3 times in your day that you can stop for 10-15 minutes. Lets call these Beingness breaks. What I mean by this is that we are so plugged into our lives that we often forget there is something in existence besides doing. The other side of life is Beingness and in this state we can unplug from stress, and allow a sense of peacefulness to enter our lives that helps release emotional build up. You could also think of these breaks as mini –vacations from your external life. Please let the voice mail get the phone, I promise all the urgent problems will still be there when you get back and 99.9% of the time they can wait a few minutes.
Some suggestions for what you can do with this time: quite time, guided relaxation (I have a 12 minute cd that I would be happy to give you), take a peaceful walk, do some stretching, take a cat nap, praying, exercise, meditation, or simply just closing your eyes and being. Whatever would feel good to you and bring on a sense of peace would work great. Feel free to do different one’s at different times. This is your time to give back to yourself!
Weekly
I would say that it is essential to weekly de-brief on your experience. I would recommend finding a friend, coach, partner, or other who can listen to you share about your experience this past week. I would probably have the session be at least an hour. I have a debriefing interview that I created for myself to de-brief with after intense experience. I usually find a friend who can read me the questions and be with me while I answer them. I find this very helpful on continuing to clear my vessel and supporting my own healing journey. I have found it also works for me to write down my answers for the questions if know one else is around. I find it best to do with another human being. I usually ask them to just read the questions and listen and save their thoughts or feedback for the end of the interview. I will include the debriefing exercise at the end of this article. I would also recommend planning 1-2 hours a week of unstructured time for you to
relax, reflect or doing something you truly enjoy.
Monthly
I think once a month it would be good to take a day if possible but if not half a day to plan a treat for yourself, preferably something that is revitalizing for you. I really enjoy a day in nature; being in the forest is very cleansing for me. A good massage is another treat I like. In the summer being able to get in the water and swim. Sometimes just the opportunity to lie down and watch a couple of movies or read a book. For one of my friends spending the day riding his motorcycle is bliss. The what isn’t nearly as important as the feeling. Please pick something that would be a treat for you. I would also recommend having a longer debrief and reflection session to clear anything that may still be with you from the past month along with key insights from the month.
Yearly
I would recommend a good vacation from your work. Plan something that will be fun, revitalizing and restful. Some of the vacations I have taken in my life were so exhausting that I felt like I needed a vacation after the vacation just to recover form the vacation. I would also recommend a longer debriefing session from the year to clear anything that came up, asses how you are doing, and any growth you have expiernced in the last year.
Practices that can help create a balanced life.
- Regular exercise (can be simple walks)
- Regular relaxation practice (or spiritual practice)
- Regularly debriefing from intense experiences and emotions
- Having people to talk with
- Getting a good nights sleep
- Relatively healthy eating habits/drinking lots of water
- Taking time for beingness
- Having Fun/Laughing
- Getting help for your self if and when you need it
- Breathing deeply from time to time
- Stretching
- Not taking ones self or life or the world to seriously!
Pitfalls
I don’t have enough time
If you start saying this, then it often becomes true. Most people don’t realize how much time is wasted by their own anxiety about not having enough time or having too much to do. I have found from my own experience that when I take the time to do some of the things above on a regular basis, I actually get more done. Again, most of the things I listed don’t take very much time to do.
I just have to get through this project..
This is often a trap of projecting that things will be different in the future. Which usually isn’t true. Most of the time after this crisis is resolved another emerges. Note: Change will always take place in present moment.
I am fine I don’t need this stuff
Maybe, that is true. And I would say probably not. Sometimes it is very difficult to see the forest from the trees. When I use to do Domestic Violence counseling often the participants would say I am not angry and I don’t need any of this stuff. It wasn’t usually to many weeks later that they would come to the realization that wow I have been really angry for a long time and didn’t realize it. Note: It can be very easy for us to fool ourselves.
In conclusion: I would like to suggest the potential opportunity that it is possible to do our work and take care of ourselves in such away that we are actually fed by the process and find that we are energized from our work and life rather then drained, emotionally exhausted and burned out.
Debriefing Exercise For Helping Professionals
1) What would you like credit (recognition) for?
2) What is working?
3) What isn’t working?
4) Did you have any emotional reactions come up during this process?
5) Has this brought up any emotions or thoughts about your life or personal history?
6) Did anything come up for you around your own growth/life? Key learning’s/Insights.
7) Do you have appreciations for the people you are working with?
8) Do you have any resentment about the people or situation you are working with?
9) Do you have any regrets?
10) What would you like to improve? What are some possible ways to improve this situation?
11) Do you have any Future hopes and wishes for these people or situation?
12) Is there anything else that you are holding onto from this experience?
Thank you for reading my newsletter!
For more information on my work (Hugo Elfinstone) please visit:
www.accesswisdom.com
To order my book Transformative Love:
www.accesswisdom.com/book.htm
Book Review
by John Newcomb
Transformative Love is one of the most helpful books on relationships I have ever read. It really spoke to me. It gives great advise on how to choose a partner, create intimacy, work through anger, and heal wounds between partners. A great part of the book is that it gives exercises that you can do with a partner to build trust and intimacy. To anyone who is looking to heal the separation they feel from a partner or who would like to become closer, I would highly recommend this book.
To order my new book Compassionate Honesty:
http://www.accesswisdom.com/compassionate-honesty.htm
Book Review
by Swami Suddhananda
This journey begins with simple yet profound definitions of compassion and honesty.
Continuing in a compassionate voice, offering the same simple and profound teachings, there are exercises and stories leading us through the most thorny of human landscapes - dealing with anger, judgements, guilt, shame and intimate and professional relationship issues.
A final section on personal awareness and personal transformation brings us to a peaceful close of this beautiful book - and a beginning point to simply and compassionately examine deeply held beliefs that may keep us from experiencing life's gifts - and a powerful way to let go of deeply held beliefs.
Because of the way complex concepts are presented - with simple clarity of purpose - both the old timer and the newcommer to the inner working of the human heart - can use this book as a tool for self-transformation.
I have taught communication and worked with my own internal process for decades. I am using this book - and getting powerful results - deepening my everyday experience of love, compassion and peace.
Next Newsletter May 15/07: Topic TBA
Final Note: Please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone who may be interested in it or benefit from it. If someone wants to sign up to receive my newsletter, they can email me at hugo@accesswisdom.com.
With Love,
Hugo Elfinstone
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