Compassionate Honesty
Newsletter #9
July 24/07

Dealing with Rejection

“When you feel rejected, how do you keep from rejecting yourself?”

Sometimes when we feel rejected, it brings up all the other times in our lives that we felt rejected. The worst part is that when we feel rejected, we tend to reject ourselves.

Many of us spend a great deal of time seeking love, appreciation and approval from other people. We are looking for them to tell us we are okay, worthwhile, special and lovable. We imagine that if they find us worthwhile and lovable then we would be able to find it in ourselves.

The truth is seeking love, appreciation and approval from other people tends to lead us further from finding love, appreciation and approval inside of us. The problem is the only person who can give this to us is ourselves. Therefore, we give our power away when we seek what we already have inside of us. There is an aspect of ourselves that I call the Compassionate Watcher that has, is and always will be completely loving and accepting of us. Often we are not in-touch with this part of ourselves because we are more in touch with the voices of fear and doubt in our heads. These are the voices that then confuse us into thinking we need love, appreciation and approval outside of ourselves. Then ironically when we feel rejected, these same voices reject us and tell us that we are not good enough, unlovable, etc. The truth is rejection outside of us wouldn’t be a very big deal if we didn’t turn on ourselves and reject ourselves. The way out is to look f or the love from inside of yourself and when you are feeling rejected outside of yourself to love yourself more. Tell yourself, “I am here, I love you and you are the most precious person in the world to me.”

The biggest irony of it all is the more we seek love the less we find it. The less we seek love from other people the more we find it in ourselves. When we don’t need love from other people, we are freer to give it to them and they are freer to give it back to us.

Then the more they give it to us and the more we are able to give it back to them.

I know feeling rejected can feel terrible, but it is a great opportunity to practice self-love, which ultimately will give you much more love inside and outside yourself. This also reduces the stress of needing so much from other people and leaves room for them to give you more!

Rejection from a Lover
When a lover or potential lover rejects us, this is the easiest time to go into self-doubt and criticism. Negative Core beliefs come up like, “I am not good enough,” “I am unlovable,” “I need to be different,” “What is wrong with me,” ETC. Of course none of these negative core beliefs are true. You are the most beautiful person in the universe and there has never been anyone more perfect to be you! You have simply just been waiting to discover this about yourself.

Spiritual Lessons
This is the perfect opportunity to get the underlying spiritual lesson for you. Many times our lovers keep rejecting us until we learn to not reject ourselves when they reject us. Why is this so valuable a spiritual lesson? Because with out self-love we can’t really experience the kind of love we would like to experience with another human being. If you can love and embrace yourself when you are being rejected, you will then have the love you have been seeking.

What about partner?
Like attracts like. When you are loving and embracing yourself, it is likely that you will attract the same type of love from outside yourself.

Thank you for reading my newsletter!
For more information on my work (Hugo Elfinstone) please visit:
www.accesswisdom.com

To order my book Transformative Love:
www.accesswisdom.com/book.htm

To order my new book Compassionate Honesty:
www.accesswisdom.com/compassionate-honesty.htm

Final Note: Please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone who may be interested in it or benefit from it. If someone wants to sign up to receive my newsletter, they can email me at hugo@accesswisdom.com

With Love,

Hugo Elfinstone