Compassionate Honesty

Issue # 17: Interview with Byron Katie

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 12:28:00 GMT

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Issue # 16: Confessing Negative Judgments

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 07:06:00 GMT

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Compassionate Honesty Newsletter #15

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 05:58:00 GMT

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Issue #14 �Is Happiness in our Genes?�

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 05:01:00 GMT

<h4> </h4> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=500 align=center border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffff> <IMG height=200 src="http://www.accesswisdom.com/newsletters/images/newsletterheader.gif" width=500></TD></TR> <TR> <TD vAlign=top bgColor=#ffffff> <TABLE cellSpacing=8 cellPadding=0 width=500 border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD vAlign=top> Issue #14 “Is Happiness in our Genes?” Personal update: My wife (Kristen) and I are expecting a new addition to our family in early June (Neo Heron Elfinstone). Starting with this issue, I have decided to conclude each newsletter with a recipe for delicious and healthy eating by friend, health guru, and chef extraordinaire, John Newcomb. This months topic is written by another friend of mine, Mike Mahler, who is many things including an expert on strength and flexibility training. Mike trains both high performance athletes and everyday people and educates them in creating healthy Vegan diets appropriate for their lifestyle. I have also found him to be very honest, down to earth, reflective, and have some interesting ideas on personal growth and philosophy. Before Reading Mike’s article on “Is Happiness in our Genes” I would like to say that there are many things we can do to increase our level of inner contentment and enthusiasm for life. One of the best developments I have come across is a series of audio Meditation CD’s that ingeniously use sound frequencies. These sound frequencies help the everyday person’s brain reach deeply peaceful and beneficial Theta and Delta states usually only accessible to Zen monks and Yogi’s who have been meditating for over 20 years. Now thanks to this technology you can push a button and reap the deep benefits of these states. I highly recommend ordering the free demo CD for yourself: www.centerpointe.com. “Is Happiness in our Genes?” by Mike Mahler “Research now confirms what common sense has always told us: Happy people live longer, enjoy healthier lives, achieve more success, and maintain stronger relationships than the chronically unhappy.” Liz Seymour On a recent business trip I came across a very interesting article in of all places US Airways magazine. The article was by Liz Seymour on the topic of happiness. At first I thought it was going to be another patronizing article on forced positive thinking being the key to happiness. To my pleasant surprise Liz’s article turned out to be one of the most fascinating articles I have read in some time. How do we define happiness? According to Ed Diener, professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, happiness is a combination of “life satisfaction, positive emotions, and low levels of negative emotions.” In other words, people that are happy genuinely enjoy their lives and genuinely feel good most of the time. They see the world full of opportunities rather than full of fear and sorrow. The pursuit of happiness is one goal that all of us have. At the end of the day every goal we pursue is for the end goal of being happier. We want to make more money because we think it will make us happier. We want to find a life partner and get married because we think it will make us happier. We want to lose fat and look better because we think it will make us happier. We have been sold the bill of goods that happiness comes from changing conditions. Unfortunately, achieving real happiness is far more complicated than simply changing conditions. According to Seymour, “happiness is determined by a combination of genetic set points, conditions, and voluntary activities.” Lets start off by looking at genetic set points further. Yes similar to many things in life such as intelligence and athletic prowess, being happy is to a large degree genetically predetermined. The genetic set point is basically the genetic factor that is involved with being happy. Just as some people learn calculus easily, or have the natural ability to run fast, some people just find it easy to be happy. On the other hand, just as some people have a hard time learning Algebra or excelling in sports, some people have a hard time being happy. Thus, some people have to work hard at being happy, just like they need to work hard at learning, or getting in shape. On the other hand, others are genetically predetermined to be happy, stay in shape easily, and learn rapidly. Thus, if you are a miserable person feel free to blame your parents for the lame genetics that you were bestowed with. Better luck next time. All lame jokes aside the genetic factor in happiness is very interesting. I never thought of happiness as something that is to a large part genetically predetermined. How much of a role do our genetics play in our happiness? According to studies, our genes determine fifty percent of our proclivity for happiness or for melancholy. While this does not mean that you are doomed to a life of misery and despair if you were not blessed with happy genetics, it does mean that you will have to work harder on achieving happiness. Yes it is not fair, but you should already know that life is not fair. After all, last season of my favorite show “24” was lame. If life were fair it would have been excellent and I would be one happy camper. Instead it was lame and I have been miserable ever since. Oh well, at least last season of my other favorite show “The Shield” was pretty good. Fortunately, I can blame my feelings on my genetic set point right? Wro ng. While our individual genetic set points play a tremendous role in whether we are happy or not, they are not the only factor. Conditions also play a role. However according to studies, not as big a role as many of us have been led to believe. Apparently conditions make up around eight to fifteen percent of happiness. Thus, if you think that you are depressed because you do not own a house, have a few pounds to lose, or are not as strong as you would like to be think again. Liz Seymour states that, “variables such as age, education, health, income, personal appearance, and even climate are ineffective at overriding our genetically determined set point.” In other words if your genetic set point favors being miserable, making a lot of money or getting a rock hard body is not going to tip the happiness scales in your favor. Sure you may temporarily feel better after some achievement is attained or material possession such as a house is acquired. However, within a year you will be back to where you were before the major changes occurred. Ironically, most of us spend our lives trying to change conditions in order to be happy never realizing why it is ineffective. Some of you may find this hard to believe. After all, how could one not become happier after becoming a millionaire? Moreover, how could someone that is happy not become miserable after suffering from a terrible disease? According to Seymour, studies of lottery winners on one hand and people who became paraplegic from an accident on the other hand show clearly that both respective groups return to previous levels of happiness in less than a year. In other words, if you were a miserable person before becoming a millionaire you will continue to be a miserable person after becoming a millionaire. On the other hand, if you were a happy person before becoming a paraplegic, you will eventually return to being the same happy person after an adaptation phase. The old saying that people do not change is truer than we think. This is why it is very hard to achieve happiness through changing conditions. Our brains are very good at adapting to situations whether good or bad. This is really not so hard to buy into. Just think of an important goal that you achieved. Remember how anti-climatic it felt? This is the problem with being overly attached to the results of goals. We place way too much pressure on achievements changing our mindsets. When I first got into weight training, I used to dream about being able to Bench press 315lbs. I eventually worked up to bench-pressing 315 for seven reps. How did I feel? Great for a while and then I adapted and returned to the same mindset that I had before achieving the strength goal. The expected change that came with the achievement of the goal was not long lasting. Eventually, like many other people, I wanted more. Of course, no achievement will ever be enough. This is why many people purposely stay in the anticipation phase and avoid achieving goals. The anticipation phase is like being a child the night before Christmas. Thinking about all of the great gifts that you may receive brings more pleasure than actually experiencing the act of receiving the gifts. Unfortunately the staying in the anticipation phase is delusional and will not bring about real happiness. If nothing else it will get old and will no longer carry the same levels of pleasure. Does this mean that we should not bother having goals? Of course not! The key is to set goals and achieve them for the sake of doing it. As the ancient Hindu text The Bhagavad Gita states, we have a right to our actions but not to the results of our actions. The reward is the process and the experience rather than any form of attainment. Achieving goals are just road signs that we are heading in the right direction and that we are ready to grow into the next phase. Without the achievement of goals we are doomed to repeating the same experiences over and over again. Moreover, according to John Elliot, author of “The New Science Of Working Less To Accomplish More” we perform better when we are fully in the moment and not attached to the outcome. The fullest moments in life can be reduced down to the moments in which we are fully in the present with no thoughts of the past or future. These are the moments in which one is fully alive and time seems to stand still. Clearly, enjoying the moment rather than dwelling on what could go right or wrong is an effective way to enhance our genetic sets points. Everyone wants to be happy regardless of whether they realize it or do not want to admit it. We just have to realize that happiness does not come from focusing on conditions. We have to focus on enhancing our genetic set points to stack the odds of being happy in our favor. If you are not happy with making $50,000 you will not be happy with making $250,000. The problem to a large degree literally is in our minds, rather than outside conditions. Fortunately we do not have to simply lay back and accept the genetic set point cards that we have been dealt. Just as everyone can get smarter and build stronger muscles, we can develop stronger genetic set points for happiness. Seymour states that one option is to take drugs. After all, we are a pill popping society and there are pills for just about every problem under the sun including a poor outlook on life. Drugs that are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as Prozac and Zoloft prolong the action of serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is a chemical that helps tremendously with mood and is produced adequately by people that are naturally happy. For people with severe chemical imbalances I can see how the drugs are a godsend. Some people really benefit from drugs such as Zoloft and Prozac and even nutrition supplements such as the amino acids Tyrosine and Tryptophan, which also assist with building more serotonin. However, taking drugs or nutrition su pplements is clearly not the solution for everyone. If not drugs, then what? One, we need to learn how to handle stress better. People that naturally have strong stress management skills are naturally happier. As hard as it can be to fathom, a soldier in Iraq with bullets flying by can be less stressed than a millionaire in Los Angeles that is complaining about his steak being overcooked. The former may have stronger stress management skills and a greater genetic set point for happiness than the latter. What about people that do not have natural stress management abilities? Fortunately there is hope for stress management flunkies as well. According to Seymour, one method that has been proven to be effective for increasing the set point for happiness is the daily practice of meditation. According to researchers at the Laboratory For Affective Neuroscience at the University of Wisconsin meditation stimulates the left prefrontal cortex of the brain. This is the part of the brain that is most active when we are happy and alert. Thus, meditation is very effective at lowering stress and making one feel happy. Maybe this is why Buddhist monks always have smiles on their faces. It certainly does not have to do with eating beans and rice everyday and abstaining from sex. Thus, the solution is clear, quit your job, shave your head and move into your local temple. Just kidding (well maybe not about the quitting your job part!) We can all stay in the world and become happier. Just devote some time to mediation to stimulate the left prefrontal cortex. Of course this is easier said than done for those us that are not jumping for joy like a bunch of idiots. Most people find meditation difficult and I am no exception. Fortunately there are mediation programs that work for those us that have a hard time stimulating the left prefrontal cortex by sitting in the lotus position chanting. My favorite mediation program is called Holosync: <a href="www.centerpointe.com">www.centerpointe.com</a>. Another method that Seymour mentioned that can be effective at steering our set points to the world of happiness is cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy works by teaching us how to recognize negative patterns and break them. Instead of dwelling on the negative, cognitive therapy teaches us to focus on thinking patterns that make us happy. Even miserable people have moments of being happy. The key is to develop more happy moments and avoid getting stuck in ruts. Some of you may be thinking that cognitive therapy is positive thinking mumbo jumbo and it really isn’t. With positive thinking, one is in denial. Rather than accepting the fact that some things are in fact negative, one is taught to try to make every situation positive no matter what. The problem is we unconsciously know that we are lying to ourselves and the bottom line is we do not buy it. Positive thinking devotees are often paranoid of any negative thoughts and feel guilty if any negative thoughts arise. Not healthy and certainly not realistic. Faking being happy is not the same as genuinely being happy. With cognitive therapy, one learns to break negative patterns by listening to the feedback. Sounds complicated right? It isn’t. Here is an example. You watch two hours of news and get bombarded with all of the problems in the world. How do you feel afterwards? Similar to millions of other people, you feel depressed and powerless. These feelings stay with you for the rest of the day or even week and are compounded every time that you watch the news. What should you do? Well, you can stop watching the news to start. What value is it providing? Are you doing anything positive with the information? If no, then stop the source of negative emotions. Or get empowered and do something about it. For example, if you see a news segment on kids that are sex abuse victims, why not join an organization that helps sexually abused kids. When you get empowered, you do something with the negative energy and gener ally turn it into a positive outcome. Actions that are empowering are gratifying and gratifications make us happier for longer periods than simple pleasures such as eating dessert and watching a good movie. Cognitive therapy teaches us how certain things affect us whether positive or negative. Here is another example; you see an injured animal on the side of the road. Instead of driving by and saying to yourself how terrible that is, you immediately pull over, wrap the wounded animal in a towel and take the animal to a vet. Because of your compassionate act the animal makes a full recovery and you feel like a million bucks all week. Of course the feeling will eventually wear off, but you can make it occur more regularly by putting in some volunteer hours at an animal shelter or some other reputable non-profit organization for animals. Again you are taking the path of empowerment. When we feel empowered, we are less stressed and happier. When we feel like we are playing a role in improving the world around us the feeling is very gratifying and again actions that result in gratifications result in longer periods of happiness. What about doing things that we find pleasure in? Perhaps if we focus on what gives us pleasure more often, we are less likely to be depressed. Sounds great in theory. Unfortunately, according to Seymour studies show that pleasures are generally fleeting in nature. For example, great sex is great for a while but the feeling eventually wears off until your next fix. All that one is creating with sex in this situation is the possibility for another addiction and frankly a distraction. Now I am the last person to knock sex in any way and of course I am not saying that sex is a waste of time. As I have stated many times in other articles, a strong sex drive is a strong sign of health and vitality. I just do not have the illusion that the pleasure of sex is a solution for creating permanent change for a set point that is facing towards sorrow. Pleasures are great and an important part of life. However, gratifications bring feelings of happiness that last longer. Seymour states “gratifications are activities that call on our skills and strengths and give us a sense of a job well done.” Personally, I enjoy pleasures more when gratifications are in full effect. Pleasures are similar to icing on the cake. While the icing is an important part of enjoying a cake, it does not take the place of the rest of the cake. Here is a personal example to drive this point home, several years ago I did a kettlebell workshop with my good friend Dylan Thomas in NYC. The workshop was set to be a disaster. I had to change the venue location three times as booked venues kept falling though. Then a guy that was supposed to do the workshop with me had to bail out a few days before the workshop. I had several people cancel right off the bat and several more convey their anger to me via email regarding the lack of p rofessionalism on my part. For the most part, the people that were still planning on coming were not bringing positive vibes. Many were coming pissed off and several told me that they would have flat out cancelled if they had not already booked plane tickets that were non-refundable. This workshop was set up to be a disaster and I knew that I had to put on the best workshop of my career to have any chance of turning it around. To make a long story short, Dylan and I put on a great workshop and everyone left happy. It turned out to be one of the most enthusiastic groups that I have ever worked with and everyone had a blast. Instead of getting depressed about everything that was going wrong, we focused on what we could take charge of and at the end of the day it was enough and it all worked out. The gratification that I received from pulling the workshop off was immense. It was a great group and a fun day. Afterwards, a few of us went out for a few too many drinks. However, we had a blast at least until the hangover from hell arrived the next day. Where am I going? The pleasure of going out and having some fun on the town was sweeter due to the gratification that came before it from teaching the workshop. If we just went to NYC and had a night out, it would not have been anywhere near as sweet. A night of pleasure lasts a night. However a day of gratification can last a lifetime. Clearly we need to focus on developing opportunities for gratification for long lasting happiness, rather than focusing on pleasures that are fleeing. I think the rule of thumb to apply is focus on gratifications and enjoy pleasures. For most us the art of happiness is not an easy craft to develop and master. It is one that we will have to work hard at just like any other important goal in life. However, it is probably the most important goal to achieve. After all, not too much else will matter if you cannot find happiness in this life. Do not be a slave to your genetic set point. Anything can be improved. Just as you can learn more and get smarter; lift more and get stronger; you can become happier. Maybe you will not win an award for being the happiest person on the planet, but any improvement in your experience of happiness is reward enough. Dedicate your life to making opportunities for gratification plentiful, enjoying pleasurable activities (as long as others are not harmed in the process), and improve your stress management skills. Note from Hugo: Three great options to increase your level of Happiness below. Meditation: <a href="www.centerpointe.com">www.centerpointe.com</a> Cognitive: <a href="www.thework.com">www.thework.com</a> Present Moment Awareness: <a href="www.eckharttolle.com">www.eckharttolle.com</a> Thankyou for reading my newsletter! And Thankyou for the great article Mike! For more information on Mike Mahler’s work visit: <a href="www.mikemahler.com">www.mikemahler.com</a> For more information on my work and books please visit: <a href="www.accesswisdom.com">www.accesswisdom.com</a> John Newcomb Recipe Green curry potatoes 3 medium yukon gold or other smooth skinned potatoes, cut into wedges 1C coarsely chopped cabbage 3/4C coarsely chopped kale (1-2 leaves) 1/4 C raw pistachio nuts juice of 1/2 lemon 1/2 teaspoon green curry paste (available from grocery in Asian foods section) 1/4 teaspoon sea salt 1/4 C water Steam potatoes in 1/2" or so of water in a covered pot. About 10 minutes before potatoes are cooked through, add cabbage. After 5 min, add kale. Put nuts, lemon juice, curry paste, salt, and water in a blender and blend on high for 1 min. When vegetables are steamed, remove from heat, place in bowl, and gently toss with sauce. Garnish with parsley. Final Note: Please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone who may be interested in it or benefit from it. If someone wants to sign up to receive my newsletter, they can go to: <a href="www.accesswisdom.com">www.accesswisdom.com</a> With Love, Hugo Elfinstone </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

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Issue #13 �New Year�s Resolutions that Last�2nd Edition�

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 17:14:00 GMT

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Issue #12 �All I Want for Christmas is My Sanity: 2nd Edition�

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 19:10:00 GMT

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Compassionate Honesty #11: Emotional Reactions

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:37:00 GMT

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Newsletter #10: Understanding Dreams

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 04:01:00 GMT

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Compassionate Honesty #9 -- Dealing with Rejection

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 18:27:00 GMT

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Issue #8 - Self Care: How to prevent emotional burnout and sustain a healthy, balanced life.

Sun, 06 May 2007 17:34:00 GMT

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=500 align=center border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffff> <IMG height=200 src="http://www.accesswisdom.com/newsletters/images/newsletterheader.gif" width=500></TD></TR> <TR> <TD vAlign=top bgColor=#ffffff> <TABLE cellSpacing=8 cellPadding=0 width=500 border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD vAlign=top> <h4 align="center"> Self Care</h4> <h4 align="center">“How to prevent Emotional Burnout and Sustain a Healthy Balanced Life”   For Peacebuilders, Counselors , and Service Oriented People.</h4> Sometimes recognition and credit elude those who deserve it the most.  That is often the case for those working in the helping profession. They are often given very little credit for working long hours with the people who often need it the most and in situations that are very stressful and challenging. If you are one of these people. I thankyou very deeply from my heart for the work you are doing and the strength, courage and humanity you have to continue to work in very difficult and challenging situations that most of us would rather avoid thinking about! Let alone participate in making a difference. I am writing this article in hopes of making a contribution to you. An on-going problem in our field is burnout and emotional exhaustion. The focus of this article is to present ideas and practices that will help the caregiver avoid burnout and sustain a healthy balanced life. Why is burnout happening? I would like to discuss three parts: systemic problem, personal part, and second hand trauma. I am also aware that there are other factors that contribute to this dynamic. <h4> Systemic</h4> We live in a world full of traumatized people who continue to re-traumatize each other. This means there is no end to the people who need help or assistance. And at the same time government and society at large does not consciously recognize the depth or severity of this need. Therefore many of us in this line of work are in a catch 22 situation. There is more demand then we have enough staff, resources, or personal energy to meet. And when you are faced with such a great need it is very difficult to simply say I can’t help you. I am off the clock now. Therefore what many of us do is work very long hours. In addition to this many of us have families who also require our attention. This is the systemic part of the problem that hopefully will be addresses one day by an awakening of consciousness in our government and society in the realization that we need more resources and help! We are not there yet! Therefore we will need to be creative on f inding ways to prevent the likely scenario of overwhelm and burnout in our lives from happening. Please note: a person can only push through fatigue and exhaustion for so long before they become burned-out and have very little left to give. <h4> Personal Part</h4> Suffering can be a beautiful gift because it often leads one to compassion, sensitivity, and greater consciousness of self and others. Most of us have entered this field because of compassion for other people’s suffering and our desire to contributing to ease the vast amount of suffering on the planet even if it is only in a small area. If we are able to explore deeper in ourselves we have often suffered in our early life: childhood, teens, and early adulthood. The high side to this is it has given many of us a beautiful compassionate heart. The down side is for many of us we haven’t really given ourselves the gift of compassion, and our own healing attention that we so gladly give to others. For many of us it is easier to give fully to other people then to address some of our own pain and internal suffering. Many times we may not be aware that we are suffering because we are so exhausted from all of the help we are giving other people. One of the reasons we burn out is the lack of awareness that we need to take better care of ourselves. It is only possible to push away our own need for healing, compassion and gentleness for so long… Note: Many of us also have families that need out attention, which can make it even more difficult to find the time to give to ourselves. And yet it is very important for us to find the time to take care of ourselves both for our own well-being and to sustain our ability to give at work and at home. <h4> Second Hand Trauma</h4> This can also be called compassion fatigue. This is a very common place for people who have been working in the helping professional for several years or longer. Being with other people’s suffering and trauma’s is intense and without realizing it we often take on a little of their trauma. Over time that little bit becomes alot. I also think that when we work with other people’s suffering it brings up places in ourselves that are un-healed. I think the mixture of the second hand trauma and not having time to heal our own stuff that is coming up creates no space left in us to give “Our vessel is full”. I believe this is the primary reason that people burnout.  Note: If we wait to our vessel is full we will have very little to give until we are able to empty it. If we want to maintain a healthy life we need to regularly take the time to empty our vessel. <h4>How to stay personally healthy and rejuvenated?</h4> It is usually not what we are aware of but what we are un-aware that does the most damage. I think one of the keys is to become aware of the potential hazards of our work and to accept the importance of self-care in our work. Note: If I don’t give to myself, I will not be able to give fully to others. Once you have the awareness and desire to change; the next step is to create a plan. There are amazing amounts of things you can do in a relatively short period of time. I will break  this down into 4 sections: Daily, Weekly, Monthly, and Yearly. <h4>Daily</h4> Create 3 times in your day that you can stop for 10-15 minutes. Lets call these Beingness breaks. What I mean by this is that we are so plugged into our lives that we often forget there is something in existence besides doing. The other side of life is Beingness and in this state we can unplug from stress, and allow a sense of peacefulness to enter our lives that helps release emotional build up. You could also think of these breaks as mini –vacations from your external life. Please let the voice mail get the phone, I promise all the urgent problems will still be there when you get back and 99.9% of the time they can wait a few minutes. Some suggestions for what you can do with this time: quite time, guided relaxation (I have a 12 minute cd that I would be happy to give you), take a peaceful walk, do some stretching, take a cat nap, praying, exercise, meditation, or simply just closing your eyes and being. Whatever would feel good to you and bring on a sense of peace would work great. Feel free to do different one’s at different times. This is your time to give back to yourself!  <h4>Weekly</h4> I would say that it is essential to weekly de-brief on your experience. I would recommend finding a friend, coach, partner, or other who can listen to you share about your experience this past week. I would probably have the session be at least an hour. I have a debriefing interview that I created for myself to de-brief with after intense experience. I usually find a friend who can read me the questions and be with me while I answer them. I find this very helpful on continuing to clear my vessel and supporting my own healing journey. I have found it also works for me to write down my answers for the questions if know one else is around. I find it best to do with another human being. I usually ask them to just read the questions and listen and save their thoughts or feedback for the end of the interview. I will include the debriefing exercise at the end of this article. I would also recommend planning 1-2 hours a week of unstructured time for you to relax, reflect or doing something you truly enjoy. <h4>Monthly</h4> I think once a month it would be good to take a day if possible but if not half a day to plan a treat for yourself, preferably something that is revitalizing for you. I really enjoy a day in nature; being in the forest is very cleansing for me. A good massage is another treat I like. In the summer being able to get in the water and swim. Sometimes just the opportunity to lie down and watch a couple of movies or read a book. For one of my friends spending the day riding his motorcycle is bliss. The what isn’t nearly as important as the feeling. Please pick something that would be a treat for you. I would also recommend having a longer debrief and reflection session to clear anything that may still be with you from the past month along with key insights from the month. <h4>Yearly</h4> I would recommend a good vacation from your work. Plan something that will be fun, revitalizing and restful. Some of the vacations I have taken in my life were so exhausting that I felt like I needed a vacation after the vacation just to recover form the vacation. I would also recommend a longer debriefing session from the year to clear anything that came up, asses how you are doing, and any growth you have expiernced in the last year. Practices that can help create a balanced life. <ol> <li>Regular exercise (can be simple walks)</li> <li>Regular relaxation practice (or spiritual practice)</li> <li>Regularly debriefing from intense experiences and emotions</li> <li>Having people to talk with</li> <li>Getting a good nights sleep</li> <li>Relatively healthy eating habits/drinking lots of water</li> <li>Taking time for beingness</li> <li>Having Fun/Laughing</li> <li>Getting help for your self if and when you need it</li> <li>Breathing deeply from time to time</li> <li>Stretching</li> <li>Not taking ones self or life or the world to seriously!</li> </ol> Pitfalls I don’t have enough time If you start saying this, then it often becomes true. Most people don’t realize how much time is wasted by their own anxiety about not having enough time or having too much to do. I have found from my own experience that when I take the time to do some of the things above on a regular basis, I actually get more done. Again, most of the things I listed don’t take very much time to do. I just have to get through this project.. This is often a trap of projecting that things will be different in the future. Which usually isn’t true. Most of the time after this crisis is resolved another emerges. Note: Change will always take place in present moment. I am fine I don’t need this stuff Maybe, that is true. And I would say probably not. Sometimes it is very difficult to see the forest from the trees. When I use to do Domestic Violence counseling often the participants would say I am not angry and I don’t need any of this stuff. It wasn’t usually to many weeks later that they would come to the realization that wow I have been really angry for a long time and didn’t realize it. Note: It can be very easy for us to fool ourselves. In conclusion: I would like to suggest the potential opportunity that it is possible to do our work and take care of ourselves in such away that we are actually fed by the process and find that we are energized from our work and life rather then drained, emotionally exhausted and burned out. <h4>Debriefing Exercise For Helping Professionals </h4> 1) What would you like credit (recognition) for? 2) What is working? 3) What isn’t working? 4) Did you have any emotional reactions come up during this process? 5) Has this brought up any emotions or thoughts about your life or personal history? 6) Did anything come up for you around your own growth/life? Key learning’s/Insights. 7) Do you have appreciations for the people you are working with? 8) Do you have any resentment about the people or situation you are working with? 9) Do you have any regrets? 10) What would you like to improve?  What are some possible ways to improve this situation? 11) Do you have any Future hopes and wishes for these people or situation? 12) Is there anything else that you are holding onto from this experience? Thank you for reading my newsletter! For more information on my work (Hugo Elfinstone) please visit: <a href="http://www.accesswisdom.com/" target="_blank"> www.accesswisdom.com</a> To order my book Transformative Love: <a href="http://www.accesswisdom.com/book.htm" target="_blank"> www.accesswisdom.com/book.htm</a>  Book Review  by John Newcomb Transformative Love is one of the most helpful books on relationships I have ever read. It    really spoke to me. It gives great advise on how to choose a partner, create intimacy, work through anger, and heal wounds between partners. A great part of the book is that it gives exercises that you can do with a partner to build trust and intimacy. To anyone who is looking to heal the separation they feel from a partner or who would like to become closer, I would highly recommend this book.   To order my new book Compassionate Honesty:  <a href="http://www.accesswisdom.com/compassionate-honesty.htm">http://www.accesswisdom.com/compassionate-honesty.htm</a> <h4>Book Review by Swami Suddhananda</h4> This journey begins with simple yet profound definitions of compassion and honesty. Continuing in a compassionate voice, offering the same simple and profound teachings, there are exercises and stories leading us through the most thorny of human landscapes - dealing with anger, judgements, guilt, shame and intimate and professional relationship issues. A final section on personal awareness and personal transformation brings us to a peaceful close of this beautiful book - and a beginning point to simply and compassionately examine deeply held beliefs that may keep us from experiencing life's gifts - and a powerful way to let go of deeply held beliefs. Because of the way complex concepts are presented - with simple clarity of purpose - both the old timer and the newcommer to the inner working of the human heart - can use this book as a tool for self-transformation. I have taught communication and worked with my own internal process for decades. I am using this book - and getting powerful results - deepening my everyday experience of love, compassion and peace.   Next Newsletter May 15/07: Topic TBA Final Note: Please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone who may be interested in it or benefit from it. If someone wants to sign up to receive my newsletter, they can email me at <a href="mailto:hugo@accesswisdom.com" target="_blank">hugo@accesswisdom.com</a>.     With Love,  Hugo Elfinstone </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

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Issue #7 Interview with Sandy Wood on Trauma and Hands on Healing

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 06:38:00 GMT

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